Alone in a Crowd

I feel so alone, (no fault of anyone but mine), yet, I have so many people around me. Are they my people? Or just people?

My people are going through the same thing I am. We are all trying to deal/come to terms with the death of a loved one. I know, I know, someone will say that we are all dancing around and not ‘dealing with it”.  While that might be very close to the truth, I am trying REALLY hard to, but it is easier said than done. Someone we love and care about, the person who sets us straight even though we are all adults, the person who calls and checks in on us, worrying if we are ok, the person who calls the grandkids (even the ones that were away at college) to check on them and put a “little smalls” lol, in their account, the person who gives of herself to give to US, our mom/grandma/auntie is gone.

Some days I am ok talking about or “dealing” with some things, other days, most days really, I want to curl up by myself, don’t talk, don’t eat, just be alone.  I know this is not good, but I just want to be. I just want to stop hurting. Today is one of those days. 

You see, I don’t have an aunt older or younger to call, my aunt, mom’s only sister, predeceased mom by almost two years. I don’t have an uncle, mom only had one sibling. I don’t have grandparents.  The reality is, I have my people, and we are all going through the same thing and trying to “deal”. Don’t get me wrong, people are there who offers comfort, and it is very appreciated. 

I have been hurt before, I have felt pain before, but I never knew losing someone could hurt like this.   I miss you so much mom…… R.I.P……Love you forever…..

Mom, I know you can’t hear or see this, but I am saying it anyway. The kids are doing amazing. Your eldest granddaughter is now on her own in another State, yes, she got THE job, lol, your other granddaughter is still in another State doing well, married and all and I love her husband, and your grandson is on the academic honor roll and on his high school basketball team.  I know you would be proud of them.